6. The World Disassembled

Once again tonight sleep escapes me. I thought often about how I need to put my thoughts down in some desperate need to stop the "Oh, Sweet Jesus this can't be happening" moments. My thoughts (like my emotions) are all over the place and I just can't seem to get a grip on them.



To bring the world up to speed, I did wait for her to make one more mistake. I had no idea how devastating that mistake was. I now understand things I never understood before - I now know how a man can be 'driven to drink' from the pure stress of a situation. I now understand how some men snap and go on an unmitigated rampage destroying anyone in their way.



Saturday
The Birthday Party
She had her keys and took the kids to an 11AM birthday party here in our small town. These usually last an hour or two, but she didn't get home until 4:30. I left for an hour to help my brother in law do some outside electrical wiring, but when I came home, it wasn't 3 seconds before I smelled the alcohol and saw the alcoholic behavior of trying too hard to act 'normal.'

I told her I smelled it, she denied it. We went inside and I reminded her I could tolerate a lot, but I couldn't tolerate lying about her problem. If she was honest we could work on a resolution - a slip wasn't the end of the world, but dishonesty was pretty hard to overcome.

Sex as a Tool/Weapon
We talked for some time and true to form, she tried to use sex as a tool. She had become quite good at manipulating me through the use of sex, whether having it or withholding it. It took me a while to figure out I was being manipulated but I did catch on. This night, she wanted sex and I gave in. Afterwards, I stepped into the shower and within 5 minutes of having sex, she announces she is going to go on a walk before dark.


The "Quick Walk"
An hour and fifteen later and she still wasn't home. One of the little boys who comes to our house asked me to carry his brother's toy home because it was too big for him to manipulate. I did - and as I turned the corner I saw her sanding in a guys garage/driveway. He saw me and said something to her, she spun around and jumped like she was caught and came toward me in a hurry. I knew nothing I could say should be said in public so I turned and went back home.

She followed, but then didn't' come in for 15 more minutes.

We talked. I asked her to pack her things - that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't take the lies and the dishonesty anymore. She begged and I said she had only one other option. She needed help. If she agreed to go get professional help I wouldn't kick her out. She also had to agree to a new set of house rules: No Alcohol. No cigarettes. Since she didn't have a job, she needed to do the house-wife type things of keeping the house and laundry caught up, and she needed to attend parenting classes. She agreed but said she needed to clear her head. She asked for her car keys, but I said it would be irresponsible of me since I knew she had been drinking earlier. I said she could pick any room in our house and I wouldn't disturb her.

The Great Disappearing Act
At 8:45 she said she walked outside. I left her alone as I said I would, but at 10:00, the kids wanted to kiss Mom good night. I walked outside the house, as had the kids.. she wasn't there. I checked the cars, the shed, even the storm shelter.. nothing.

I walked the neighborhood. My daughter at home with one walkie-talkie and I with the other - after 20 minutes I hadn't found her. I came home and got in the truck and (still talking with my daughter) drove out side our edition toward her parents house... looking in the culverts and ditches. Still nothing.

At 10:30 I called her best friend and asked if she had heard from her. The friend said no, but I should check "Chuck and Jamie's" since that's all my wife had talked about for three months was "Chuck & Jamie, Chuck & Jamie.." (Note this comment, it will become important in a moment.)

I called - got no answer.

I walked down there with my six year old - my son had cried himself to sleep already. On the way down to "Chuck & Jamie's" - my daughter said some pretty adult things. "Daddy, I know Momma hurts herself a lot and I'm afraid she's going to die" and "Momma often says 'don't tell Daddy' - and then she does something she isn't supposed to do. Today we didn't come home after the party at ____'s house, we went to Mimi and Papas. (Her parents, and they were out of town.)

She went in the house but told us not to tell you. She didn't get a beer, but she got something else. I told my daughter that if anyone ever told her "not to tell" - she was to tell me immediately. No matter what it was, she wouldn't be in trouble. If someone tells you "don't tell" they're probably doing something wrong."

Wouldn't Come Home
We arrived at "Chuck & Jamie's" and sure enough, my wife was there - hiding behind some tool chests. There were two couples there, Chuck and Jamie and the man she was standing with earlier (and his wife.) They had seen me walk by before, but chose to let my wife hide. My daughter said "there you are Mommy! Daddy and I have been walking the neighborhood looking for you... Come home Mommy..." My wife was sitting there with an ashtray and a Bud. It was clear she was glassy eyed and drunk.

My wife refused.

I looked at her and said aloud, "its time to come home. Your son wants to kiss you good night, your daughter has been worried about you.. and we haven't heard from you for two hours."

"Later."

After several minutes of saying "Lets go home" I offered, "if it is a matter of you can't stand up, I'll carry you, that's no problem"

She still refused and so I finally said "Listen, I've tried to be nice about this. You're an alcoholic and an addict. You're on medication that clearly states on the bottle 'DO NOT MIX WITH ALCOHOL' because it will drop your blood pressure and could kill you. Its time to go home, now."

She still refused, so I took my daughter home. Called her best friend as she requested.

At 11:30, the best friend came and physically removed her from the residence. My wife couldn't walk and took a header into the driveway. The friend took her to her parents home and babysat. My wife, in her drunken stupor, pulled out a kitchen drawer and urinated in it.