2. Ever have one of those lifetimes?

The odd thing about sitting here and pressing these keys is - my life is no different than anyone else's. Everyone has their own set of challenges to face, their own problems, their own hurts. I realize no one else in the world really cares what's happening in my world at the moment, but here I sit, plugging away on this keyboard with its clickety-click-click, putting thoughts to screen in some sort of odd dance of "hope no one ever sees this" and "hope someone who has been there offers sound advice.."

Ok - here's the backstory.
I had a great life as a kid - no hidden hurts, no problems from the past haunting me today - nothing. My family is close and I feel fortunate to have a large, loving extended family.

College:
While in college, I got a reputation for being a "nice guy" - a guy who took care of more than one woman who could no longer take care of herself - and I never took advantage of a situation. Not because I didn't want to - but because I didn't want to hurt someone for an evening's moment pleasure. To this day, I've never told a girl "I love you" if I didn't love her. That's occurred twice in my life... (although recent circumstances make the number unlikely to stay at two.)

At college, we had a 7 to 1 ratio of girls to guys. I was never at a loss for a date - but I don't think most of our Y-chromosomes were. I treated each girl I was with with respect. I held to a vow I made in High School - I could do anything up to (but not including) sex... until I was in love.

I'm not saying I didn't have fun running right up to the line and tip-toeing along it, but I never crossed it. I kept my vow - in an odd sort of way.

When in my Junior year I fell in love, I thought "finally, I made it." She was a drop-dead beauty, an incoming freshman at another local university. We went out for a few months, and I was head-over-heels... and then she broke my heart. She visited her girl friend on campus and wound up sleeping with some guys visiting that friend. Not only that, the dorm windows were open and this mutual friend yelled down to me what was going on... That dear reader, was my first heartbreak. A week later, the mutual friend showed up at my door wearing nothing but a trench coat and told me she had orchestrated it to break us up.. so that I would go out with her instead. Despite every man's dream of a naked woman standing before him in a trench coat offering him whatever he wanted... I closed the door.

Later that night, another freshman came over and although I had turned her down before, I was no longer 'dating' anyone - so I went out. We wound up in her dorm room and for whatever reason that night, she asked and I said "sure, why not." I felt like I had been faithful to my vow - even if it wasn't with the person I fell for. It wasn't revenge or getting even - we were broken up and there was no chance we would ever get back together. I saw Donna twice more in the coming days.

[You know, when you say this out loud, that whole story only takes about 15 seconds...]

A couple of weeks later, the girl I fell for called, and then came over. She apologized for her unfaithfulness, said she loved me - that she always had, she got drunk and did something stupid. She swore it would never happen again. Like a moron, I took her back.

When I got out of school, I moved to another state and we had a long distance relationship while she remained a student. My friends from the area tried to warn me of some erratic behavior, but I didn't listen. We got married, and no joke, on day two, while I was driving down the highway in Florida, she beat, kicked, and clawed me. Want to know why? I asked where she got the pair of earrings she was wearing, and I asked if they were new.

That's it.

Ten minutes after the temper tantrum, she did the typical abuser thing - apologizing, promising it wouldn't happen again, and then doing little favors to try to make up for it. She blamed it on the stress of the wedding.

All I could think was I should have listened to my friends.

A long time ago, I had never heard of a woman abusing her husband. I kept thinking - 'who will ever believe a tiny 110lb woman is beating up this 225lb man?' After her first suicide attempt (notice 'first') she was diagnosed as bi-polar. She refused to take her medication and became more violent. The physical abuse was nothing compared to the torturous mind-games she played.

She called me every unflattering name in the book - and repeatedly told me she only married me to get out of her mom & dad's house. She told me she wanted a divorce about once a week. Again, no kidding, on Valentine's Day she again told me she wanted a divorce and this time - after three long years I said "fine. I can't do this anymore."

You have to understand, that violated her rules. I was always supposed to put up an argument of why we should stay married - and how we could work it out. When I didn't beg and pleade, she went on a rampage around the house, breaking things - especially searching for sentimental gifts from my grandma and destroying them. Then she locked herself in the bathroom and swallowed every pill in the medicine cabinet... every single one.

By the time the EMTs arrived, she was unconscious. They pumped her stomach and I had her involuntarily committed. That three year tour of Hell actually taught me several valuable lessons.

A year after the divorce, I learned she had four affairs. Oddly enough, that was the first moment I became angry. Not so much at the affairs - but how I found out. You see, I found out she had been treated for an STD while we were married. When I called her about it - she then admitted to four extra-marital relationships (that's when I learned how many) during our 3 year marriage.

She was, and still is, mentally ill. She called a year ago and said something about I was the only man she ever loved and she wanted me to know "I killed her." Not knowing what that meant - and since she hung up, I called her local police department. They called me later to tell me she was just enjoying her second bottle of Jim Beam... and I shouldn't worry about it.

After the divorce, I dated several folks, and got my heart crushed by the first person who treated me nice for three days straight. I decided I would take a year off - no dates, no women, nothing but me getting back who I was before that painful learning experience.

After the year was up I had fun dating - kept it light since I wasn't in the mood for anything serious and just enjoyed myself... and then I found my wife. She was incredible.

A true blond bombshell in every sense of the word. I didn't ask her out for an entire year because she was out of my league.